Tuesday, May 23, 2006

David Glass Completes His Dreaded Purge in KC

Making good on his threat to shake up the Triple A Kansas City Royals, owner David Glass has put the finishing touches on his long dreaded purge. Now they'll be sorry! First, the grass will be mowed on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays instead of Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Also, no more sloppy plastic squeeze bottles of mustard at the concession stand, only handy, plastic, disposable packets. The same with that damned, messy ketchup. And, oh yes, Kaufman Stadium ticket stubs will be redeemable for a free coffee refill at Walmart, artificial non-dairy whitener not included. Moreover, a stockpile of old Reggie Jackson bobbleheads will also be distributed to the first 300 fans to buy tickets on Mr. October night, if the team by some remote possibility is still playing in October. The bobbleheads, in storage for 40 years at Mr. Glass' former place of employment in Bentonville, Ark., will be ready as soon as touch-up artists finish hand-removing the old Kansas City Athletics logo from Jackson's uniform.