First of all, understand that the Roman Colon altercation has nothing to do with hemorrhoid surgery -- and, no, it was not a gay toga party gone wrong.
Roman Colon is the former Detroit Tigers relief pitcher who -- while taking off his uniform after a minor league rehab appearance -- threw a tantrum because a teammate was supposed to play a recording of composer David Rose's "The Stripper," but mistakenly played the flipside: "Holiday for Strings."
The ensuing melee resulted in a number of cuts, scrapes, bumps and bruises among the players in the Triple A Toledo Mud Hens locker room, with one pitcher hospitalized with injuries so serious as to likely keep him out until at least September, maybe for his career.
Other than that, he's fine, as long as he doesn't mind going by his new nickname, "Marty Feldman," the result of nearly having his eye poked out and literally having had his face broken in four places and put back together with bailing twine, duck tape and Crazy Glue.
The Mud Hens have since banned music in the clubhouse (no, really).
Naturally the Tigers -- even though in need of middle relief help -- had to find someplace to get rid of Colon. And the Royals -- in need of anybody who can walk and chew gum at the same time -- were only too happy to oblige, taking Colon in exchange for a player to be named, a bag of practice balls and a Freddy Patek rookie card.
The bad news is that Kansas City is not the only place Colon is wanted. He remains under a felony assault indictment in Ohio (no, really).