Saturday, July 14, 2007

Top 10 Reasons Bud Selig to Miss Homer Record

Top 10 reasons Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig will miss Barry Bonds breaking Hank Aaron's home run record:

10. TV Land broadcasting month-long marathon of "Diff'rent Strokes" reruns.

9. Pet cat Fluffy suffered separation anxiety during last trip out of town.

8. Staying up late every night to write foreward to final volume of Pete Rose's autobiographical trilogy entitled: "My Secret Life as Bart Giamatti's Bookie."

7. Can't break previous lube bay appointment at Oil Can Boyd's.

6. Once-and-for-all going to stay home and sort those mismatched socks.

5. Initiating drug enhancement regimen to hit "home run" with Mrs. Selig.

4. Dog ate my plane ticket.

3. Bingo night at the lodge.

2. Doing my bit to conserve precious natural resources.

1. Checking to see if true Astros playing a woman named Loretta in middle infield.