"Once she found out how vulnerable he was, she got into his head," an anonymous source said of Cynthia Rodriguez, who possesses an extremely useful master's degree in psychology. The source further claims that she disliked A-Rod's Dominican heritage so much (although not enough to prevent her from marrying a guy with the last name Rodriguez), that she tried to prevent him from participating in Hispanic community events, banned him from eating Spanish food, and disposed of his matador costumes.
It's amazing to me that this guy didn't end up with a hyphenated last name..."now batting, Alex Rodriguez-Scurtis." Or worse, just become Alex Scurtis. Then I could mock A-Skirt instead.
In other, perhaps more promising news, A-Rod has signed with the high-profile William Morris Agency. The talent agency hopes to repair his image, which hopefully consists of him endorsing something really feminine. Maybe man-purses or those ridiculous pants in the picture above.