Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Top 10 Other Secrets of Major League Baseball

The screen capture above is from the Yahoo front page, and it touts the fact that Ozzie Guillen has revealed one of baseball's most closely held secrets: Pitchers sometimes intentionally throw at opposing batters! And, sometimes, managers order pitchers to do so! Shocking!

This incredible revelation got me to thinking: There must be other secrets hidden within major league baseball. What are they? Like any intrepid reporter, I hit the phones -- haranguing, hitting up, browbeating, pleading, cajoling and even bribing sources all thoughout baseball to give up other secrets.

And they did give up secrets. They gave up 10 of them.

Top 10 Other Secrets of Major League Baseball

10. Bud Selig sleeps in a coffin.

9. When players and managers talk about "the book," they're talking about Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.

8. Vin Scully died in 1998.

7. Lockerroom hot tubs are filled with tobacco juice.

6. Ted Williams' frozen head is kept in the freezer in the Red Sox lockerroom, behind the Popsicles.

5. George Brett puts pine tar on his hemorrhoids.

4. Ken Griffey Jr. misunderstood Barry Bonds' instructions, rubbed "the Clearasil" on his skin.

3. Players don't "adjust themselves" because their cup actually needs adjusting, but just because it feels good.

2. Don Zimmer and his brood live under the front porch at George Steinbrenner's house.

1. All the players have slept with Madonna.